DEAREST DADDY

 

 My Father's Soul,

Cross River State,

Nigeria,

Africa.

14th August, 2023.

Dearest Daddy,

I can imagine the surprise on your face when you receive this letter because I know you believe I don't like you hence I would not write you, right?! but you are wrong. I write this letter to you because I have been meaning to have a conversation with you about this but have not built up enough courage for a face to face meeting plus I believe you will understand me better than my mother. Contrary to what you may believe, both you and my mother have helped and taught me a lot of things and one happens to be helping me cultivate my belief system. Yes, you read it right, you and my mother helped me cultivate my belief system (my core beliefs). I know it is shocking, I never knew parents contributed to the building of a child's belief system, I only just discovered this after reading an article written by Terry Levy on "how memory shapes core beliefs in early childhood". According to Terry, early experiences with caregivers (Parents) shape a child’s core beliefs about self, others, and life in general. He said that it is necessary to understand how memory works to appreciate the way core beliefs form and affect a child’s life. Memory links our past, present and future. Images stored in the brain become expectations about future events. 

He also stated that there are two types of memory that develop in the early years: Implicit and Explicit memory. Implicit memory is present at birth. An infant’s brain is capable of creating mental models that involve images and emotions based on experiences with caregivers. Implicit memory does not involve conscious processing but affects the baby’s behavior and reactions. For example, babies with secure attachments have positive images encoded in their minds. They sense unconsciously that parents are safe, nurturing, and dependable and anticipate more loving care in the future. Insecurely attached babies encode negative images. They may sense parents as being threatening, unloving, and unavailable and learn to expect continued harsh or neglectful treatment. Whilst the Explicit memory develops by the age of 2. A child is now learning language, has conscious awareness, and can remember himself in a specific past event. By now, the toddler can bring up a sensory image of her parent or caregiver, including pictures, body sensations and emotions. The secure child feels calm and relaxed. The insecure child feels anxious and tense.

Early childhood experiences are encoded in the brain. Emotional experiences of nurturance and protection are encoded in the brain’s limbic area, the emotional center. Over time, repeated encoded experiences become internal working models (or core beliefs) about self, self in relation to others, and the world in general. These core beliefs become the lens through which children (and later adults) view themselves and others, especially authority and attachment figures. Core beliefs serve to interpret the present and anticipate the future. You get what you expect, and your expectations are based on past experiences. The brain is an anticipation machine.

He went ahead to said that children’s core beliefs become deeply ingrained and operate outside of conscious awareness, affecting how they perceive themselves and interpret events and social situations. Children who lack secure and loving attachments commonly blame themselves and develop a self-image as helpless, bad and unlovable. These children see danger even when it is not there. They misinterpret social cues, assume the worst and overreact emotionally and behaviorally. The result is ongoing conflict with parents and peers, aggressive and controlling behavior and further damage to self-esteem.

Honestly, when I read that article, it felt like I was in church and the Pastor had just dropped one hot rhema. The article served as an eye opener to me and I needed to share it with you so you could see where I got majority of my beliefs from, how I was able to cultivate my belief and why I do certain things that I do. I know I need help with changing most of my beliefs yea!, but I'd rather my parents also get to see that I need help and help me get the help that I need. I feel alone, mad and uncertain. I am tried of all our constant fights and I have taken a step to seeking help hence this letter. I honestly do hope that you would get what I am trying to say. Also I apologize for all of my recent behaviours, I am truly sorry. God bless and I love you.

Your daughter,

Tete Bee

CHILDish